The Ten Commandments of Dating During the Apocalypse
Respect our ground rules or risk being put on blast.
Rule 1:
Don’t bullshit––be 100% real and honest when filling out the quiz. It legit makes zero sense to not be yourself when it’s literally the end of the world.
Rule 2:
Stop being a scaredy-cat and reach out to who you’re matched with. We didn’t waste our time for you to be too chickenshit to say “hi.”
Rule 3:
One submission per person (a.k.a only fill out the quiz once). Lower your standards buddy, this is the apocalypse.
Rule 4:
Wash your hands. Wash your dick. Always wipe front to back.
Rule 5:
Don’t be the woat and sign up for your friend. People are looking at us as a beacon of hope and don’t act like you’re above this––you’re not getting laid in a post-Corona world either (i.e., even if you have a gf, your mom is only stocking up for the immediate fam so she won’t be riding out the quarantine with you anyways).
Rule 6:
Don’t be a fucking creep! If your first form of communication with your match is a dick pic we’ll roast you publicly. Also, just remember that you’re using your .edu email. While we’re not quite sure what a provost is, we do know that it’d probably be bad for you if he/she found out you sent unsolicited dick pics over your .edu email. So, like we said, don’t be a fucking creep.
Rule 7:
Don’t complain to us if your match breaks your heart. You two are compatible but if they ghost you, it probably means you’re a fucking weirdo.
Rule 8:
CDC says no touching (but we aren’t narcs––do what you want on your own time).
Rule 9:
Condoms.
Rule 10:
Have fun with it! Be yourself! You only get to meet your Armageddon amigo once!